In Service
In Service
I’m standing at a funeral in a field with about 100 people.
It's a sad day.
My friend’s dad has died. Her heart is so broken you can feel it.
It hurts to look at her.
Grief is someone drowning.
They're in the blackwater, all the way out at sea.
If you're the kind of person who feels everything,
all you want to do is take the pain away.
And you can do it.
If you're brave and your heart is big.
But it’s hard.
It costs a lot to get into the water and go all the way out
to help someone else.
There’s a way to do it without going under
but there's always a chance you might
if you do it
The way it should be done.
-
The service starts.
We are standing on the edge of where a life once was.
And looking at that.
My friend's mum steps up to speak.
Her voice cracks with grief. And we all crack with it.
Death pulls us all out into the black.
And suddenly we are all in the abyss
and it’s dark and we are scared.
Because confronting our existence is terrifying.
People don't like to do it.
It forces you to take stock of
how you're spending your time here.
And whether any of it matters.
-
It's quiet, but it feels like everyone is screaming.
Except my friend.
I look at her across the water.
She’s doing something.
-
And then I hear her voice.
An old song, in her own way.
She keeps her head down.
And it plays over a speaker, off a recording.
The way it comes out
feels eternal and ancient.
It’s beautiful.
And helping everyone feel okay.
‘Some silken moment
Goes on forever
And we’re leaving broken hearts behind.’
And for a while we are all there together.
She helps everyone sit in the pain without screaming.
Makes it something else,
And lets it go.
-
The song ends. Everyone makes it through.
The crowd disperses.
We get out of the water and leave the abyss.
The light is back.
But she is fucked. She is busted.
It cost her something. I can see it.
She looks like where the lightning has been.
-
She never said she could do that.
Maybe she never needed to.
But she’s done it now.
The way it should be done.
Because my friend is brave and her heart is big.
And I think she's one of the few
that cares more about helping
than herself.